The other day I looked at what my sons wore to school. I then made the same mistake every guy makes. I opened my mouth. My two seconds of stupidity for the day happened before I could stop myself from asking my wife, in an accusatory tone, ”Why do you let them wear the same five shirts and the same three pairs of pants to school each week? Don’t they have other clothes?”
Usually my wife has no patience, so I have to give her kudos for not throwing something, like a small dog, at me. Instead, she motioned for me to follow her to our bedroom. Next, she opened the closet door. Then, she began to ask me a few questions:
Wife: How many pairs of pants do you own?
Me: About seven. Wait, counting jeans, 11.
Wife: How many shirts do you own?
Me: Counting T-shirts, polos, dress shirts, and sweatshirts… a lot.
Wife: What do you usually wear to school?
Me: Khakis and a polo or a blue or white shirt and a tie. I was beginning to catch on: The apples don’t fall far from this tree.
So, I learned eating crow does not taste like chicken. It kind of sticks in the throat until washed down with some humble pie.
Of course, being in education for 23 years (more if you count my own days in school) has allowed me to see many fashion trends. Some students will wear the same clothes day after day. Now that I think about it, when I was in high school, I wore my Levi’s, a T-shirt from one of the various swim meets I competed in, a red sweatshirt jacket, and white Nike tennis shoes with a black stripe.
I guess boys will be boys. Many of us are not Metrosexual nor do we have a GQ fashion sense. How else can anyone explain the trend among teenage boys to wear their pants sagging down to their knees? It has been the most asinine (pun intended) fashion trend I have ever witnessed.
I have asked the girls in my classes if they think the boys look good when they sag. Every single young lady laughed and said they hated the look. Since that day, I have noticed less boys wearing their pants low to my classes.
Nonetheless, some guys have not heard the message from all of the single ladies. As I was strolling through the hallway this week, I noticed a young man walking like someone shoved a baseball bat where the sun doesn’t shine. I stopped him and asked him if he was all right. He looked at me like I was crazy. I repeated, “You seem to be walking funny. Did you hurt your leg?”
“No, I’m not hurt,” he retorted and looked at me as if I had one eye in the middle of my forehead.
“Oh, I think I understand” I whispered. “I can write you a pass to the office, and they can arrange for you to get some clean clothes.”
“What are you talking about?” he said in annoyed and loud voice.
I glanced around the hallway to make sure no one was too close to hear me because the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass this young man: “Well, the last time I saw someone walking like that was when my son had pooped in his diaper. It was sagging, making him walk funny. So, don’t worry. We can get you to the office discreetly, you can clean up, and you can call home for some clean clothes.”
“I didn’t poop my pants!” he shouted. Immediately, a group of kids turned around to look.
“Oh, my mistake. So, you just want to look like you pooped your pants,” I replied. I guess I will never understand cool.